You are not bad at dating. You just never learned how.
Nobody teaches you this stuff in school. Not how to start a conversation. Not how to handle rejection. Not how to show up as yourself and still feel confident. Most people figure it out through trial and error. Some never figure it out at all.
This guide gives you seven truths that changed how thousands of people approach dating. Each one comes with real steps you can take today. No gimmicks. No pickup lines. Just honest, practical advice that works for anyone, regardless of age, gender, or experience level.
Pick one truth. Work on it for 30 days. Then move to the next.
Hence, read carefully and ask yourself which of these harsh truths you haven’t yet confronted, and which challenge your views. It’s likely there are at least two or more things you don’t like about your dating life right now.
Let’s get into them…
Table of Contents
Your One-Page Cheat Sheet
Here is every truth with one action step. Print it. Screenshot it. Stick it on your fridge.
Truth 1 — Appearance matters. Get a haircut, wear clothes that fit, fix your posture today.
Truth 2 — Confidence is a skill. Make eye contact and smile at three strangers this week.
Truth 3 — Rejection is feedback. Set a goal of five “no’s” this month and write down what you learn from each.
Truth 4 — Nobody is coming to save you. List three things you enjoy and do more of them starting now.
Truth 5 — Social skills are learnable. Use the five-second introduction at your next event: smile, eye contact, say your name.
Truth 6 — Authenticity beats performance. On your next date, talk about something you genuinely care about.
Truth 7 — It is never too late. Set a process goal: two genuine conversations with new people every week.
1. Your romantic life will not magically turn out for the better
I speak with a lot of guys who admit to having no dating strategy. Their current success is not what they expected, and they know some changes must be made, but they don’t take action.
The don’t come up with a plan for their progress and/or find a mentor to help them. Sure, they don’t have a girlfriend right now, but hopefully a cool girl will find them eventually!”
As a result, they follow the flow.
Unfortunately, you don’t “just “get a great dating life if you don’t take deliberate steps to build one. It’s unlikely you’ll be able to pace and build a healthy relationship, even if you meet the right girl.
Maybe that “great” girl you thought was so will not really be that way after all. Perhaps you treated her as if she were limited by your own scarcity, or you didn’t know how to spot her warning signs in the beginning…because you lacked intention from the beginning.
The chances are that you will end up settling for a girl you are not in love with. There’s no way for that to work (and is a recipe for disaster). Therefore, you should be deliberate rather than simply following the flow. Decide what you want in a personal or romantic relationship, and what your “non-negotiables” are.
In order to meet your ideal type of woman, you will need to put yourself in a position to meet her. You may need to move to a more populated area with a better selection and quality of potential mates, develop your personal brand and influence to be seen as a desirable mate, and build a lifestyle that she would value.
Your life will begin to take on more meaning as your self-confidence grows, and women will find you more attractive as well.
2. It’s never “too late”
The emails come to me all the time from guys saying, “I’m 21 and have never had a girlfriend.”. Can I still save myself?I have encountered students in the past who have expressed the same sentiment. Everything in life seems to be rushed these days…
Take care of your girlfriend, get a good job, get married, buy a house, a car etc. You feel left behind if you do not meet this social “timeline”. You will lose your success if you think the same way.
I find the premise that something is “too late” ridiculous. Can I still do anything? What purpose does it serve? When you think it’s “too late,” you’re asking for permission to live the life you want. No, it is not too late for you to accomplish your goals.
It’s time to stop asking permission. If not, it will be impossible for you to take confident steps towards living a life you enjoy.
There is still time to make a difference. Both men in their late teens and men in their fifties have had good results with women. You can never become the person you may have been too late.
Rather than waiting, you need to take action. Instead of being scared of making mistakes, you should be more inclined to take action and make mistakes. It doesn’t matter if you’re twenty-seven or forty-two, just starting out on your own or just out of a divorce after fifteen years.
Although you may think it is “too late,” you will get no where by sitting on the sidelines. If you want to live life dangerously, you have a couple options. You may decide to make some embarrassing errors if you take massive action.
This is what I recommend.
It is funny to note, however, that men who use this sentiment tend to be on the younger side of things. Older men, on the other hand, seem to have a bit more patience with them, since they believe they are running out of years.
The goal for every guy should be to achieve success with women in his twenties. It’s important to realize, however, that a man’s prime doesn’t begin until his forties. In your late twenties and thirties, you start making more money, getting organized, and setting goals for your future. An attractive man like that would attract any girl – no matter her age. Furthermore, older men are generally more attractive to women.
Therefore, you do not have to hurry, nor is it “too late”. The sooner you start dating, the better off you’ll be, rather than waiting until later.
3. The victim never wins
As a victim, I saw myself for a long time. My life had been filled with bullying, stuttering, and acne, and I never had any luck with girls. The world seemed unfair to me. There I was with no idea how to become popular, make friends, or get girls, even though other guys seemed to have no trouble with any of it.
Throughout middle school and high school, I felt bad about myself a lot, and no one else seemed to care. The more I realized that self-pity wouldn’t help, the more I became determined to change. Nevertheless, I decided to give it up and do my best to change.
It was a fortunate realization for me. There are many people who play the victim and make excuses all the time. It is never really apparent to them that “victimhood” is the very thing that hinders their progress.
You are not here to be rescued, and no matter how justified your excuses may be, no one is going to care that you play the victim. You can’t cling to them, and the longer you do, the more likely you are to fail.
They give you an excellent reason not to try. This is the worst part of excuses and victimhood. Then you’re out. This allows you to carry on living a life that you’re not happy about without actually doing anything about it.
Victims never win in this scenario. Because Superman isn’t going to come and save you, you have to be your own hero.
4. Looking stupid is the barrier to entry
A quote from the popular Cartoon Network show Adventure Time proclaims: “Dude, sucking at something is the first step toward being good at something.” If you’re going to be good at something, you have to suck first. A person doesn’t look glamorous at the start of their journey.
My first encounter with girls and the time I spent improving the way I spoke to them were extremely cringe-worthy. I was known as “the creepy guy” in college by the whole sorority! However, that experience laid the groundwork for my future success in dating. I learned what worked and what didn’t, and I incrementally expanded my skills.
I made even worse videos when I first started on YouTube. Drone shots were out of place, and there were terrible jump cuts. The channel helped me build a successful business, so I kept at it.
However, I remember most of all the stupid feeling I used to experience when I learned online business skills. My parents supported me, I had just quit my job, and I lived with my parents. Unlike my peers, I was struggling to get a job, make money, and become more independent at the same time.
My parents often told me I lived with them, which made me feel guilty.
Despite all the “sucking,” however, the bigger vision kept me going. The more I paid attention to them, the more likely I was to succeed in the future. They will look back regretting the fact that they didn’t take the path I did.
You’re going to look stupid for a while if you want to achieve your dream lifestyle. Your parents might ask you to save money, you might have a few failed business ventures, and you’ll probably get some funny rejections when you approach girls.
While these things will be painful to deal with in the short term, if your attention stays on your bigger vision — living your dream lifestyle — you will stay motivated. The price for appearing stupid is well worth it. Rather, your failures will serve as the springboard for success as you learn from the mistakes and determine what really works.
5. Looks DO matter
When I post an approach video (in which I speak to random girls), I get inevitably the same type of comments…“That works only because he is handsome!”.
These guys ignore everything else in pursuit of one aspect of attraction (which they seemingly do not have). It makes me laugh because it is so ridiculous.
This thinking has a few problems…
Most guys who are “good” with women are at least somewhat attractive.
What is the reason?
Because any guy who wants to get better at dating women knows that he should do everything he can to make his appearance the best it can possibly be.
A good first impression is determined by a person’s appearance, so it wouldn’t be appropriate to ignore it. As a result, he aims to improve his posture, grooming, fitness, and style. As a result, he ends up being a lot more attractive than he was before.
While doing this, he makes many approaches to girls, improves his communication skills, and accumulates experiences, making him more comfortable in interacting with women. Then he sees that he is doing well with an attractive girl and thinks, “That has nothing to do with his good looks!”It goes on like that.
Looks matter, that’s for sure.
Fitness, grooming, and style will give you an edge over a fat, sloppy, plain man. Nevertheless, you can still attract quality women even if you aren’t a genetic freak. The shape of your face does not need to be obsessed with or altered by plastic surgery.
The key is to focus on those aspects of your life you CAN control – fitness, grooming, hygiene, and style. In terms of looks, you will have all the tools you need to meet quality girls.
Optimize more than just those, though. You should also work on improving your communication skills. You will be able to reach the top 5% of men with this, as well as make a big impression on many women. However, complaining about “your looks” will only lead you deeper and deeper into victim mentality.
6. You leave with nothing when you seek approval
All of us have approached a girl of our peers’ taste, or went into a major or career based on our peers’ opinion. It’s not uncommon for people to buy something just because they think it’ll impress others (like a new car or home).
No matter what you do, no matter what you do in life, you’ll always feel empty – regardless of the situation. Keeping your own ship afloat these days is tough. Most people don’t know what they actually want anymore, since they are so influenced by their friends, parents, and the media.
You spend your life trying to make other people happy, but really all you’ve done is seek their approval. When you achieve those lofty goals, get that girl your friends thought was hot, or get that new Tesla, you no longer feel the same way you did before.
The worst case scenario is that you chase those things your whole life and never achieve them. In a never-ending cycle of validating everything you do, you aren’t getting what you really want.
The conundrum I am facing has confronted me several times in my life. I made purchases and investments just for the sake of impressing others or fitting in. I even went into a career (accounting) that other people wanted for me.
My desire to be approved slowly changed into a vow that one day would be enough for me. Instead of living a life based on what people expect or what makes me look “cool”, I promised myself to live a life based on my own values. Since then, I’ve enjoyed a whirlwind adventure that’s taken me all around the world.
Living intentionally is the key to accomplishing this. It is important to think deeply and also to recognize that your goals will change over time (so you should be somewhat flexible).
You can start by answering some of the following questions:
- Who are the people you want to be friends with? What is the reason? (For example, what type of friends would you like? How many? What traits do you desire from friends? Frequently would you like to hang out with friends?)
- Why not find a special person to date? What happened? You might ask yourself (what would you like to feel like about quality women, for instance): What do you think about dating different girls? Is it casual or do you prefer to be with one girl at a time? What is your comfort level when it comes to dating, and how do you handle them?
- What kind of work life do you want? Then why? What do you want to work on? Would you like to have your own business or work for someone else? (What are your preferences for how many hours and types of jobs you would like to have?)
- How about NOT wanting something? Then why? (For example, a job that’s not your dream job? Negative people in our lives? An insecure financial position? Working 40+ hours a week? Stressful relationships? Being overweight?)
Your true desires will become more clear when you ask these types of questions. It’s a lot easier to steer your life down a path towards your goals when you have clarity, rather than “wing it” and It is not a very high-probability scenario for your dream lifestyle to be achieved (which is ideal).
7. Women don’t like Weak Men
An adversity-resistant man is what women are looking for. You’re being subjected to a “shit test” because of this. You’re being tested on how you handle challenges. Then they will be certain that even if you were to encounter some adversity, you would not fall apart (and mess their lives up too).
In light of this, obstacles should be viewed as an opportunity rather than an impediment to success. Are you unemployed? Now’s the time to reinvent yourself and actually find what you want, or you can start a business.
Did your girl dump you? This is a great opportunity for you to elevate your value, meet even better girls, and come back stronger. Invested in the wrong thing? By learning from the mistake, you can avoid repeating it in the future, and set the course for better investments to come.
It prepares you for becoming a strong man instead of a weak one when you view obstacles as opportunities to build strength, rather than as a way to reinforce your victimhood. A person’s circumstances determine their destiny most of the time. However, if you do this, you are creating a life you want, and women find this very attractive.
8. Rejection Is Feedback, Not Failure
This is the truth most people resist the hardest.
Rejection hurts. There is no trick to make it painless. But there is a way to make it useful. Every “no” contains information. Maybe your timing was off. Maybe the other person was having a bad day. Maybe you came on too strong or not strong enough. You can learn something from every single one.
A 2014 study in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that people who reframed rejection as a learning opportunity recovered faster emotionally and performed better in subsequent social situations. The researchers called this “rejection reappraisal.” In plain language, how you think about rejection changes how it affects you.
Here is a number that might help. Data from dating apps shows that the average match rate on Tinder is about 1 to 3 percent for men and about 10 to 15 percent for women. That means even on a platform designed for matching, most interactions don’t lead anywhere. Rejection is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It is the default outcome. Success is the exception, and you only need a few exceptions.
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What to do right now:
Set a rejection goal. Seriously. Aim to get five “no’s” this month. Not because rejection is fun, but because chasing a rejection target forces you to take action. And action is the only thing that produces results.
After each rejection, write down three things: what happened, what you would do differently, and one thing you did well. This turns a painful moment into a useful data point. Over time, your “rejection notes” become a playbook.
Takeaway: Every “no” teaches you something. Collect enough of them and you will find your “yes.”
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Wrapping up the 7 Harsh Truths | Truths You MUST Accept to Succeed in Dating 2026
Dating is not a talent. It is a skill set. And skill sets improve with practice, honesty, and patience.
You do not need to change who you are. You need to show up as who you are, more often, in more places, with more willingness to learn from what happens.
Pick one truth from this list. Just one. Work on it for the next 30 days. Then come back and pick the next one.
Seven truths. Seven months. A completely different experience.
Start today.
